What to do when someone says "You’ve put on weight"

Few comments can be as uncomfortable as someone casually saying, “You've put on weight.”  

Even when they don't intend to be hurtful, comments about your body can stay with you long after the conversation has ended. You might suddenly start questioning what you look like, comparing yourself to others or feeling the urge to restrict your food or exercise excessively.

But here's the important thing:

Your body is not an open topic for public discussion.

Your weight can change throughout your life for countless reasons, and you don't owe anyone an explanation.

First, pause before reacting

It's completely normal to feel embarrassed, angry, hurt or caught off guard.

Before responding, take a breath.

You don't have to immediately defend yourself, explain your weight or pretend the comment didn't bother you.

Remind yourself:

Someone else's observation doesn't determine your worth.

And importantly, one person's opinion about your body doesn't tell you whether you're healthy or unhealthy.

You don't have to explain yourself

You aren't required to explain what you've been eating, whether you've been exercising, whether you're stressed, or what your health goals are.

You can simply say:

“I'd rather not talk about my body.”

Or:

“I'm not comfortable discussing my weight.”

That's enough.

What if you want to challenge the comment?

If you feel comfortable being more direct, you can calmly let the person know that their comment wasn't appropriate.

Try:

“I don't think comments about people's bodies are helpful.”

“I'd appreciate it if you didn't comment on my weight.”

“My body isn't really something I want to discuss.”

“Let's talk about something else.”

You don't have to be rude to be firm.

If it's someone you care about 

Sometimes comments come from people close to us — a partner, family member or friend.

That can make them particularly difficult to navigate.

You could say:

“I know you may not have meant anything by it, but comments about my weight affect how I feel about myself. I'd really appreciate it if you didn't make comments about my body.”

This tells them how the comment affected you while clearly communicating the boundary you want going forward.

Don't let one comment change how you see yourself

After someone comments on your weight, it's easy to look in the mirror and suddenly see your body differently.

You might start thinking:

“Do I look bigger?”

“Everyone must have noticed.”

“I need to lose weight.”

“I shouldn't have eaten that.”

Try to interrupt that thought spiral.

Your body didn't suddenly become less worthy because somebody made a comment about it.

You are still the same person you were five minutes before they said it.

Avoid punishing yourself

A hurtful comment can sometimes trigger an urge to compensate — skipping meals, drastically cutting calories, exercising excessively or stepping on the scales repeatedly.

Try not to respond to emotional discomfort with punishment.

If you genuinely want to make changes to your health or fitness, make those decisions when you're calm and because they align with your own goals, not because someone else's comment made you feel ashamed.

Remember that weight isn't the whole health picture

Body weight alone cannot tell you everything about someone's health.

Health is influenced by many factors, including nutrition, physical activity, sleep, mental wellbeing, medical conditions, genetics and more.

And weight naturally changes across different stages of life.

For women especially, factors such as pregnancy, perimenopause, menopause, ageing, changes in activity and hormonal changes can all influence body composition.

That doesn't mean you need to ignore your health.

It means health conversations deserve more nuance than a number on a scale.

Turn the focus back to how you feel

Instead of asking:

“Do I look thinner?”

consider asking:

“How is my energy?”

“Am I getting stronger?”

“Am I nourishing my body?”

“Am I moving in ways I enjoy?”

“Am I sleeping well?”

“How do I feel mentally and physically?”

These questions give you a much broader picture of wellbeing.

And sometimes… say nothing

You don't have to respond.

You can smile, change the subject and move on.

Not every comment deserves your energy.

Sometimes the most powerful response is simply refusing to participate in a conversation about your body.

A few responses to keep in your back pocket

Polite:
“I'm focusing on feeling healthy rather than talking about my weight.”

Firm:
“I'd rather you didn't comment on my body.”

Light-hearted:
“Let's talk about something more interesting than my weight!”

Direct:
“My weight isn't up for discussion.”

Change the subject:
“Anyway, how have you been?”

If someone tells you that you've put on weight, remember that their comment doesn't define you, your health or your worth.

You get to decide whether you want to discuss your body.

You can set a boundary. You can change the subject. You can simply walk away.

And if you do decide that you'd like to make changes to your health or fitness, let that decision come from self-care rather than shame.

Your body deserves respect at every size, including while it changes.

You can join the Zing Wellbeing app here for support from thousands of women all on a health journey of their own.