Tips to Stay Connected with Your Teenagers from a youth mentor

One of the amazing team of experts at Zing Wellbeing is Beck Collins, a mother, life coach, and youth mentor, we are truly honoured to have her as part of our team and she does an amazing job of supporting fellow mums on this incredible yet sometimes challenging journey of raising tweens and teenagers

I know firsthand how this phase can bring a whirlwind of emotions, and my goal is to help mothers create positive changes in their families while also pursuing their own aspirations and life goals.

Staying Connected with Your Teenagers  

Parenting during these years is often filled with emotional highs and lows as both parents and kids navigate significant changes. Yet, amidst the challenges, this stage also offers a beautiful opportunity for mothers to deepen their connection with their teenagers while rediscovering their own identities. 

I completely understand how overwhelming these teenage years can feel. I have a 19-year-old stepdaughter, an almost 16-year-old daughter, and two boys aged 13 and 10. One moment, your child is your little buddy, and the next, they’re asserting their independence, which can leave you feeling lost or uncertain. However, there are ways to navigate these changes effectively.

I’m here to share four key areas that can make a meaningful difference in staying connected with your teen: strengthening your intuition, rediscovering yourself, practising mindful listening, and letting go.

By focusing on these aspects, you can create a supportive and loving environment for both you and your child, nurturing that vital bond during this transformative time.

The Challenge of Connection

Let’s be honest: the transition from childhood to adolescence can feel like navigating uncharted waters. Your once open and loving relationship may now feel strained as your teen seeks independence. According to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research, many teens report feeling misunderstood or disconnected from their parents during these years.

But here’s the silver lining: this challenge can be transformed into an opportunity for deeper connection if approached with intention. Brené Brown, a research professor and author, puts it beautifully: “Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.” Understanding this concept can help you foster a stronger bond with your teen during this transformative phase.

Increased Emotional Intensity: Teenagers experience a surge in emotions due to hormonal changes and life transitions. A mother’s ability to empathise and validate these feelings is crucial. Instead of dismissing their emotional intensity, understanding it can deepen the bond.

Creating a Safe Space for Expression: A nurturing environment where teenagers feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings without judgement fosters trust. This allows for deeper conversations that can enhance the heart connection.

Strengthening Your Intuition

As you navigate the unpredictable waters of parenting a teenager, remember that your intuition is a remarkable superpower. This innate ability helps you understand your teenager’s needs and emotions, leading to deeper, more empathetic interactions.

The Power of Intuition

Intuition is that inner voice or gut feeling that guides you in recognising your child’s emotional state. Research shows that mothers who trust their instincts foster healthier communication, enhancing their relationship with their teens.

Trusting Your Instincts

You know your child better than anyone else. Trust that you have the insight to sense when something feels off, whether it’s a shift in behaviour or a change in mood. Reflect on past moments when your instincts guided you; these experiences reinforce your ability to connect.

Recognising Their Needs

With a strengthened intuition, you’ll be better equipped to recognise when your teenager needs space or support. For instance, if you sense they’re overwhelmed, you might gently ask, “Hey, is everything okay? I’ve noticed you seem quieter than usual.” This shows you’re attuned to their feelings and ready to provide support.

Creating a Connected Environment

As you nurture your intuition, you’ll create a safe space where your teen feels understood and valued. When they know you genuinely care about their well-being, they’re more likely to share their thoughts with you.

In summary, your intuition is a powerful tool in parenting. By trusting and strengthening it, you’ll enhance your connection with your teenager and empower them to express themselves authentically, fostering a relationship built on empathy, trust, and love.

Rediscovering Yourself to Stay Connected

As your children enter their tween and teenage years, many mothers find themselves reflecting on their own identities and passions. This period of self-discovery is essential—not just for your growth but also for maintaining a connection with your child. Research indicates that when mothers actively engage in their own interests, they experience greater emotional well-being, which positively influences their relationships with their teens.

Taking time for self-exploration not only enriches your life but also sets an example for your teen about the importance of pursuing passions. When you model this behaviour, you encourage them to embrace their individuality, fostering mutual respect and understanding. Plus, rediscovering your own interests can lead to wonderful bonding moments—think of it as an opportunity to try a new recipe together or dive into a shared hobby!

Building Emotional Resilience Together

Recognising that this journey is a shared experience can deepen your connection with your teen. As you focus on your own personal growth, you can support your child in developing emotional resilience. By sharing your own experiences and challenges, you help foster empathy and understanding in your teen. This creates a supportive environment and teaches them valuable lessons about navigating life’s ups and downs.

Finding Joy in Rediscovering Passions

As mothers, the journey of rediscovering our passions can be incredibly fulfilling, especially when we share those interests with our children. Engaging in activities together—whether it’s cooking, exercising, or diving into creative projects—becomes a powerful way to not only reconnect with our own joys but also strengthen our bonds with our teens.

When we actively pursue our interests, we set an inspiring example for our children. Teens who engage in family activities are more likely to enjoy positive emotional well-being. By exploring new passions or revisiting old favourites alongside our teens, we create opportunities for meaningful conversations and shared laughter.

These moments are not just about the activities themselves; they are about building lasting memories and deepening our connection. Each experience serves as a reminder that we’re on this journey of growth together, celebrating both our passions and theirs. Embracing this shared exploration can enrich our lives and foster a nurturing environment where both mothers and teens feel valued and understood.

The Power of Mindful Listening

Parenting tweens and teens can be a beautiful yet challenging adventure, and effective communication is at the heart of it all. Staying connected with your teenager really depends on open and honest conversations. Research shows that when teens feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with their parents, they’re less likely to engage in risky behaviours. So, creating a safe space where your teen can talk about their challenges, dreams, and fears is truly important.

One of the best ways to nurture this connection is through mindful listening. This isn’t just about hearing the words they say; it’s about being fully present, showing empathy, and really engaging in the moment with them. When you listen mindfully, you let your teen know that their feelings matter, fostering a bond of trust and understanding.

What is Mindful Listening?

Mindful listening is the art of being fully attentive to your teen without judgement or distraction. It requires you to set aside your own thoughts and reactions while truly focusing on what your teen is expressing. This practice fosters a safe environment where your teenager feels valued and understood. Applying this principle to listening can transform your interactions with your teen.

Why Mindful Listening Matters

• Builds Trust and Safety: When teens feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to open up about their thoughts and feelings. This sense of safety is crucial for building trust in your relationship.
• Enhances Emotional Intelligence: Mindful listening helps you recognise and validate your teen's emotions, encouraging them to express their feelings more openly in the future.
• Reduces Conflict: By listening mindfully, you can better understand your teen’s perspective, which helps prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. Engaging in active listening allows you to connect more deeply with your child and navigate challenges together more effectively.
• Encourages Open Communication: Mindful listening sets the stage for ongoing conversations. When your teen feels comfortable sharing, they’re more likely to approach you with issues or concerns, fostering a continuous dialogue.

How to Practise Mindful Listening

1. Be Present: When your teen is speaking, give them your undivided attention. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and make eye contact to show that you value what they’re saying.
2. Reflect Back: After your teen shares their thoughts, paraphrase or summarise what you’ve heard. This not only confirms that you’re listening but also clarifies any misunderstandings. For example, you might say, “So what I’m hearing is that you’re feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork. Is that right?”
3. Avoid Interrupting: Allow your teen to express themselves fully before responding. Interrupting can make them feel dismissed and discourage them from sharing their thoughts in the future.
4. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage deeper conversation by asking questions that require more than a yes or no answer. For instance, “What was the best part of your day?” or “How did that make you feel?”
5. Show Empathy: Acknowledge your teen’s feelings, even if you don’t fully understand or agree with their perspective. Phrases like “I can see why you’d feel that way” can validate their emotions and strengthen your connection.

Letting Go

Letting go can be tough, but it's an essential part of parenting tweens and teens. By releasing control, perfectionism, and rigid expectations, you create space for your child to grow and thrive. This approach not only strengthens your bond but also fosters a nurturing environment where your teen feels valued, understood, and empowered.

From ages 12 to 18, significant brain changes occur, particularly in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and planning. During this time, teenagers increasingly seek independence and autonomy. They often test boundaries and express a desire to make their own choices, which can lead to conflicts as they assert their individuality.

Encouraging independence while maintaining a strong connection is a delicate balance, but it’s vital for building a trusting and supportive relationship during these pivotal years. Embrace the journey of letting go, and watch as your bond with your teenager evolves into a deeper, more meaningful connection.

Key Areas for Letting Go

1. Control Over Decisions: Let go of the urge to control every aspect of your teen’s life. Allowing them to make their own choices builds trust and responsibility.
2. Perfectionism: Let go of the expectation that your child must excel in everything. Embracing their efforts helps reduce pressure and fosters self-acceptance.
3. Idealised Versions of Your Child: Let go of preconceived notions about who your child should be. Accepting them for who they are promotes authenticity and strengthens your emotional bond.
4. Fear of Disconnection: Let go of worrying that granting independence will lead to distance. Allowing space for exploration can actually enhance your relationship, making them more likely to seek your support.
5. Rigid Communication Styles: Let go of expectations for how and when communication should happen. Being flexible in communication methods encourages organic conversations.
6. Judgement and Criticism: Let go of a critical mindset when your teen makes choices you disagree with. Approaching situations with empathy fosters trust and encourages open sharing.
7. The Need for Immediate Solutions: Let go of the instinct to solve your teen’s problems for them. Allowing them to navigate their challenges helps develop resilience and problem-solving skills.

Embracing the Journey Together

Navigating the teenage years with your child is truly a beautiful and transformative journey—filled with both challenges and amazing opportunities for growth. As you face these ups and downs together, remember that each moment is a chance to deepen your connection and celebrate the incredible mother you are. By focusing on your intuition, pursuing your passions, practising mindful listening, and letting go, you create a nurturing space where both you and your teen feel seen, valued, and understood.

This journey isn’t just about guiding your teenager through their changes; it’s also about celebrating your own evolution as a mother. As you align more closely with your true self and embrace what brings you joy, you’ll notice a natural shift in your relationship with your teen. Your newfound authenticity can inspire them to be more open, leading to richer conversations and deeper connections. Each shared experience, every heartfelt chat, and those precious moments of vulnerability will only strengthen your bond, laying a solid foundation of love, trust, and respect.

As you explore these uncharted waters side by side, take a moment to cherish each step of the journey and the connections you cultivate along the way. Remember, parenting isn’t just about shaping your child’s future—it’s also about rediscovering yourself. When you live more aligned with your values, the energy you radiate fosters a harmonious atmosphere for both you and your teenager.

So, lean into this adventure with an open heart, knowing you’re doing an amazing job! Yes, there will be tough days when it feels like you’re juggling a million things, and that’s okay. Your efforts, even when they seem small, are seen and appreciated. Each moment you invest in this relationship—every late-night talk, every laugh, and even the disagreements—adds up to something beautiful.

This journey may be challenging, but it’s also bursting with opportunities for growth and connection. Approach each moment with love, patience, and understanding. As you navigate these waters together, you’ll likely find your relationship transforming into a wonderful partnership built on mutual respect and deeper emotional connection. Embrace this phase of your child's life, and trust that your hard work will create a lasting bond that carries you both through the years ahead.

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