How to Cope With Veiled Bullying From Other Women (Online or in Real Life)

We’ve all heard the phrase “women supporting women”—and while many of us live by that mantra (we 100% do at Zing Wellbeing), not every woman does unfortunately. 

Whether it’s a passive-aggressive comment, subtle exclusion, backhanded compliments, or veiled online digs inside private Facebook groups, female-to-female bullying is very real—and often deeply hurtful.

Unlike overt bullying, veiled bullying is covert, indirect and hard to call out, making it even more emotionally draining. It chips away at your confidence, makes you question your worth, and often leaves you wondering if you’re just being “too sensitive.”

Let’s shine a light on this behaviour, explore why it happens, and, most importantly, empower ourselves with tools to protect our peace, prioritise our mental wellness, and rise above it.

💬 What Does Veiled Bullying Look Like?

Veiled bullying often flies under the radar. It might come from a colleague, a friend, another mum at school, or a fellow group member in a supposedly supportive online community.

Examples include:

• Backhanded compliments (“You’re so brave wearing that!”)

• Exclusion or silent treatment within a group

• Passive-aggressive comments disguised as “just joking”

• Dismissive reactions to your success or experiences

• Subtle sabotage in personal or professional settings

• Group piling or ‘mean girl energy’ in online forums

🧠 Why Do Women Do This to Each Other?

While not an excuse, understanding the root helps us detach from the pain and avoid internalising it.

Common reasons include:

• Insecurity or low self-worth

• Competition mindset – believing there’s only room for one woman to succeed

• Conditioning – some women have grown up in environments where tearing others down was normalised

• Unhealed wounds – projecting their own pain or resentment onto others

• Group dynamics – trying to gain approval from others by belittling someone else

It’s heartbreaking—but often, their behaviour says more about them than it ever does about you.

🛡️ How to Protect Yourself from Veiled Bullies

You can't always control other people’s behaviour, but you can control how you respond and what boundaries you set.

1. Trust Your Gut

If something feels off, it probably is. You don’t need anyone else’s validation to know when someone is mistreating you. If you feel anxious or drained after interacting with someone, listen to that signal.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are your best protection. You’re allowed to:

• Leave a conversation

• Mute or block someone online

• Remove yourself from toxic spaces and groups, even if they’re labelled “supportive”

• Say no without explanation

3. Don’t Engage in Drama

You don’t need to argue or prove your worth. Protect your peace. If someone is clearly trying to trigger you, silence is often your most powerful tool.

4. Curate Your Environment

Surround yourself with women who uplift, empower, and celebrate you. Whether online or in real life, your environment affects your energy—and you deserve to feel safe and supported - be selective about what groups you join and who gets to have your time

5. Name It (If Safe to Do So)

If you feel confident and it’s appropriate, call out the behaviour calmly. Example:

“That comment didn’t sit well with me. Can you clarify what you meant?”

It’s not about confrontation—it’s about clarity and standing in your power.

💖 Why Protecting Your Mental Wellness Is Non-Negotiable

Veiled bullying can cause long-term damage if left unaddressed. It can erode self-esteem, spark anxiety, and make you retreat from spaces where you deserve to feel seen.

Your mental wellbeing is your foundation. When you honour it, everything else—your health, relationships, decisions, and self-talk—becomes stronger.

You are not too sensitive.
You are not overreacting.
You are allowed to take up space—joyfully, unapologetically, and safely.

✨ Final Words

If you’ve ever been hurt by veiled bullying, know this: you are not alone. So many women have felt that sting—but the more we talk about it, the more we shine a light on it, and the less power it holds.

At Zing Wellbeing, we are here to build the kind of community where every woman feels uplifted, respected, and valued.

We’re not here for comparison, gossip, or passive aggression—we’re here to grow, to heal, and to thrive.

Let’s choose kindness. Let’s lead with compassion. And let’s never, ever apologise for protecting our peace.