Domestic violence in Australia: signs and how to get help

Every woman deserves to feel safe. In her home, in her relationships and in her life.

Recent news surrounding the domestic violence allegations involving Australian fitness personality Sam Wood has prompted widespread discussion about domestic and family violence.

The allegations are currently before the courts, and it is important not to prejudge the outcome of those proceedings.

But beyond the headlines, this is an opportunity to have a much-needed conversation about something that affects far too many Australian women.

Because domestic violence doesn't always look the way we expect it to.

It can happen in families that appear happy. In relationships that look loving from the outside. In beautiful homes, successful households and communities where nobody would ever suspect something was wrong.

And sometimes, the people experiencing abuse are the very people we would least expect.

At Zing Wellbeing, we believe women's health is about so much more than nutrition, exercise and physical wellbeing. It's also about feeling safe, respected, supported and empowered.

That's why we want to talk about domestic violence: how common it is in Australia, the warning signs that can be overlooked, what to do if you're concerned about your own relationship, and how to help someone you love.

Domestic violence in Australia: the statistics every woman should know

Domestic and family violence is a serious issue affecting millions of Australians.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics' 2021–22 Personal Safety Survey:

• More than 1 in 4 Australian women (27%) had experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner or family member since the age of 15.

• Approximately 2.3 million women (23%) had experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner since the age of 15.

• Nearly 1 in 4 women (23%) had experienced emotional abuse from a partner they lived with or had previously lived with.

• Around 1 in 6 women (16%) had experienced economic abuse from a partner they lived with or had previously lived with.

These figures describe different forms of violence and abuse, and some women experienced more than one type.

They are not simply statistics. They represent mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, colleagues and women in communities just like ours.

And they demonstrate why domestic violence is not something we can dismiss as a problem that only happens to other people.

Source: Australian Bureau of Statistics, Personal Safety Survey 2021–22.

Domestic violence doesn't always look like domestic violence

One of the most dangerous misconceptions about domestic violence is that it always involves obvious physical injuries.

While physical violence is a serious form of abuse, domestic and family violence can also involve emotional, psychological, sexual, financial and technology-based abuse.

It can begin subtly.

A partner who initially seems protective might gradually become controlling.

Someone who once appeared caring might start deciding who their partner can see, where they can go, how they spend money or what they are allowed to wear.

Over time, these behaviours can become part of a pattern of intimidation, fear and control.

This is sometimes called coercive control.

And it is important to understand that a person can be experiencing domestic abuse even if their partner has never physically assaulted them.

10 warning signs of an abusive or controlling relationship

Every relationship is different, and a single disagreement doesn't necessarily mean a relationship is abusive.

However, repeated patterns of fear, intimidation and control are important warning signs.

1. You're frightened of your partner's reactions

You regularly worry about upsetting your partner, triggering their anger or saying the wrong thing.

You might find yourself changing your behaviour to avoid conflict.

2. Your partner tries to isolate you

They discourage you from seeing friends or family, make you feel guilty for spending time with other people, or create arguments whenever you make independent plans.

Over time, your support network may become smaller.

3. They control your money

They restrict access to bank accounts, question every purchase, prevent you from working, take your earnings or make you financially dependent on them.

Financial abuse can make it particularly difficult to leave a relationship.

4. They monitor your phone or movements

They demand passwords, check your messages, track your location or insist on knowing where you are at all times.

Technology can become another way of maintaining control.

5. They regularly humiliate or belittle you

They criticise your appearance, intelligence, parenting or abilities, sometimes disguising hurtful comments as jokes.

Over time, this can undermine your confidence and self-worth.

6. They blame you for their behaviour

After an angry or frightening incident, they tell you that you caused it, provoked them or made them lose control.

Nobody is responsible for another person's decision to use violence or abuse.

7. They threaten you, your children or your pets

Threats may be direct or indirect and can be used to frighten someone into complying.

Threatening self-harm to control a partner's decisions can also be a form of emotional abuse.

8. They physically intimidate you

They block doorways, smash objects, punch walls, restrain you, push you or use their physical presence to frighten you.

You do not need to wait for a serious injury before seeking help.

9. They pressure or force you into sexual activity

Being in a relationship or marriage does not remove the need for consent.

Sexual coercion or assault can occur within an intimate relationship.

10. You no longer feel like yourself

You may feel constantly anxious, isolated, exhausted or fearful.

Perhaps you've stopped doing things you once enjoyed or feel that you have lost your independence.

Sometimes the most important warning sign is simply that you no longer feel safe in your own relationship.

Why doesn't someone experiencing domestic violence just leave?

This is one of the most common questions people ask.

But it overlooks how complicated, frightening and potentially dangerous leaving an abusive relationship can be.

For many women, leaving is not simply a matter of packing a bag and walking out.

There may be children involved.

There may be financial dependence, shared mortgages, businesses or limited access to money.

A woman may fear losing her home, being separated from her children, or what her partner might do if she attempts to leave.

She may still love her partner or hope that things will improve.

She may have experienced years of manipulation that have affected her confidence and ability to make decisions freely.

And importantly, domestic violence can continue or escalate during and after separation.

That is why telling someone to "just leave" is not always helpful or safe.

What matters is helping them access the support and professional guidance they need to make decisions safely.

What to do if you think you're experiencing domestic violence

If anything in this article feels familiar, you do not have to wait until something becomes physically violent or reaches a crisis point before asking for help.

You deserve support now.

1. Trust your concerns

If you feel frightened, controlled or unsafe, take those feelings seriously.

You don't need to prove that your experience is severe enough to justify asking for advice.

A domestic violence support service can help you understand what you're experiencing.

2. Speak to someone you trust

If it is safe, consider confiding in a trusted friend, family member, GP or counsellor.

You don't have to explain everything immediately.

You might simply say:

"I'm worried about what's happening in my relationship, and I think I need some support."

3. Contact a specialist support service

1800RESPECT provides confidential support for people experiencing domestic, family and sexual violence.

You can contact the service even if you're unsure whether what you're experiencing is abuse.

You do not have to be ready to leave your relationship to ask for help.

4. Make a safety plan with professional guidance

A safety plan is a personalised approach to reducing risk.

Depending on your circumstances, it may involve identifying safe places, trusted contacts, emergency arrangements for children, and access to essential documents or medication.

Because every situation is different, a specialist domestic violence service can help you work out what is appropriate and safe.

5. Consider your digital safety

If your partner monitors your phone, emails, online accounts or location, seeking help online may carry additional risks.

Where possible, contact support using a device or account your partner cannot access.

Avoid making sudden changes to shared devices or passwords if doing so might alert an abusive partner or increase danger. A specialist service can help you plan safer steps.

6. Understand that financial dependence doesn't mean you have no options

If you're financially dependent on your partner, you may feel trapped.

Specialist services can help you explore options involving emergency accommodation, financial assistance, legal advice and support for children.

You don't need to solve every financial or practical problem before reaching out.

If you are in immediate danger, call 000.

What if you have children?

For many mothers, concerns about their children's wellbeing are one of the biggest reasons they feel unable to leave an unsafe relationship.

You may worry about where you would live, how you would manage financially, schooling, parenting arrangements or whether leaving could make things worse.

These concerns are real and deserve to be taken seriously.

Children can also be affected by domestic violence even when they are not physically assaulted themselves.

Seeing, hearing or living with fear, intimidation and controlling behaviour can affect their emotional wellbeing and sense of safety.

If you have children and are concerned about domestic violence, a specialist service can help you explore options that consider both your safety and theirs.

You do not have to navigate these decisions alone.

How to recognise if a friend or family member may be experiencing domestic violence

Sometimes the person experiencing abuse doesn't tell anyone what's happening.

They may feel ashamed, frightened, isolated or concerned about how others will react.

And sometimes there are no obvious warning signs at all.

However, you might notice that someone:

• Has become increasingly withdrawn from friends and family.

• Frequently cancels plans or seems unable to make decisions independently.

• Appears anxious about their partner's reaction.

• Regularly makes excuses for their partner's behaviour.

• Seems to have little control over their own money.

• Has unexplained injuries or offers explanations that don't seem consistent.

• Appears unusually quiet, nervous or uncomfortable when their partner is present.

• Has changed significantly in confidence, mood or independence.

None of these signs automatically proves that someone is experiencing domestic violence.

But they may provide a reason to check in privately and compassionately.

How to help someone you think may be experiencing domestic violence

If you're worried about a friend, sister, daughter, colleague or someone else you love, your response can make a meaningful difference.

1. Find a safe, private opportunity to talk

Choose a time when their partner is not present and cannot overhear the conversation.

Avoid raising concerns through messages if you suspect their phone is being monitored.

2. Ask gently rather than making accusations

You could say:

"I've noticed you haven't seemed yourself lately. Is everything okay?"

Or:

"I'm a little worried about you. I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing."

You don't need to start by using the words domestic violence.

3. Listen without judgement

If someone tells you they are being abused, believe them and take their concerns seriously.

Avoid asking why they stayed, why they didn't report something or why they haven't left.

Instead, you might say:

"Thank you for trusting me."

"I'm really sorry you're going through this."

"You don't deserve to be treated that way."

4. Don't pressure them to leave

Even when you are deeply concerned, trying to force someone to leave can make them feel more isolated or unsafe.

They may have risks and circumstances you don't fully understand.

Focus on helping them access professional support and make their own informed decisions.

5. Offer practical assistance

Depending on what is safe and appropriate, you might offer to:

• Accompany them to an appointment.

• Help them contact a specialist support service.

• Look after their children while they access advice.

• Provide transport.

• Help them explore financial or accommodation support.

Always discuss what would actually help rather than assuming.

6. Keep checking in

Someone may not be ready to talk the first time you approach them.

They may even deny that anything is wrong.

That doesn't mean your concern was misplaced.

Let them know you're available, continue treating them with kindness and maintain contact where it is safe to do so.

And remember that you can contact 1800RESPECT yourself for advice on how to support someone else.

What not to do if you're worried about someone

It can be incredibly upsetting to suspect someone you love is being hurt.

But certain actions may unintentionally increase their risk.

Avoid:

• Confronting their partner directly.

• Giving ultimatums about leaving.

• Sharing their situation with others without considering their safety and wishes.

• Sending messages about domestic violence to a device that may be monitored.

• Making plans on their behalf without discussing them.

• Judging them if they stay in or return to the relationship.

The goal is not to take control of their situation.

It's to help them regain safety, support and choices.

We never really know what happens behind closed doors

One of the most important lessons from public conversations about domestic violence is that appearances don't necessarily tell us what happens inside a relationship.

A family can appear happy.

A couple can seem successful.

A person can be respected, admired and well-liked in their community.

None of those things, on their own, tells us whether abuse is or isn't occurring.

Domestic violence affects people across different backgrounds, ages and financial circumstances.

It is important not to make assumptions about someone's private life based on their public image, wealth, career or social standing.

Equally, we should not assume that someone who appears happy or confident cannot be experiencing abuse.

Sometimes the people who need support most are the ones who appear to have everything together.

That's why kindness, awareness and checking in on one another matter.

Domestic violence is a women's health issue

At Zing Wellbeing, we spend a lot of time talking about the importance of nutrition, movement, strength, mental wellbeing and healthy habits.

But women's health is much bigger than what we eat or how often we exercise.

Feeling safe is fundamental to our physical and emotional wellbeing.

Living with fear, intimidation or abuse can affect sleep, mental health, confidence, relationships and long-term health.

And no amount of healthy eating or exercise can replace the importance of living in an environment where you feel respected and secure.

We believe every woman deserves the opportunity to live a healthy, happy and safe life.

That includes having the confidence to ask for help, knowing where to find support and being surrounded by people who care.

Where to get help with domestic violence in Australia

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence, confidential support is available.

1800RESPECT

Australia's national domestic, family and sexual violence counselling and support service.

• Phone: 1800 737 732

• Text: 0458 737 732

• Website: https://www.1800respect.org.au

• Available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Emergency assistance

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 000.

Additional support

You can also speak with your GP or contact a local domestic and family violence support service for information about safety planning, legal options, housing and financial assistance.

If your phone or internet use may be monitored, consider using a safer device to access support.

Everyone deserves to feel safe

If there is one message we want every woman reading this article to take away, it is this:

You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to be treated with respect. And you deserve support.

Whether you're worried about your own relationship or concerned about someone you love, you don't need to have all the answers.

Sometimes the first step is simply starting a conversation.

And sometimes, reaching out to someone with kindness and compassion can make more of a difference than you realise.

At Zing Wellbeing, we believe in women supporting women, without judgement.

Because looking after women's health means looking after every part of their wellbeing.

And every woman deserves to feel safe.